Piece of Mind

Me And My Red Thongs!

2007-11-30T10:01:00.000+08:00

I haven't been posting here lately because I am writing a book - Me and my Red Thongs!

The book is based on desperate and true stories of Wan Chai hookers from Southeast Asian countries. Therefore, in order to get the facts, details, and perspectives right, I am mostly hanging around Wan Chai every night. And yes, many a times I get to shag for free.

I intend to publish the book online, and free for everyone to read. Might take some time. But hey, keep checking this site oft and often.

Peace!

P.s. "Me" as in the hooker(s), and "Red Thongs" as in the life between their legs. No misunderstanding the title now, then.

Worried

2007-10-22T13:49:00.000+08:00

Despite being a monk, I have always believed that Aung San Suu Kyi would be good and wild in bed. I mean I don't think she shares my carnal enthusiasm, but you know what I mean.

In the absence of any news from Burma (and even our levitation techniques cannot penetrate the censorship), I am a bit worried about her. I mean, house arrest aside, what else might they be doing to her? I can only wonder.

In the meantime, I can only see her sensual personality in one of her interviews with John Pilger on the Internet. Enjoy!

Forgive me for exposing my deep (and dark) desires.

Peace!

The Time Has Come!

2007-09-28T00:01:00.000+08:00

Join me brother, and let us levitate, surf the astral plane, and point our astral machine guns at Burma's dictators.

Let us show them Hong Kong power. Come on, yea!

Peace. NOT!

Wrong Place Right Time

2007-09-15T15:29:00.001+08:00

Just saw Elton in a Wan Chai girlie bar. Imagine that!

Peace.

A Deep Slumber

2007-08-27T18:52:00.000+08:00

While I call it meditation, folks around me say I went into a four-month-long slumber. Perceptions being subjective, I brush off such remarks as trivial and the first thing I do is go to my Lord's abode.

"O Great Buddha," I say, "I, your humble servant, bow down at your lotus feet in anticipation of your divine blessings."

"Ha ha ha," the Giant Buddha laughs, "it sure has been a while... Wanker!" he says. "But I am having fun." He smiles. And then, gazing towards the empty cable cars rocking back and forth from the lifeless Ngong Ping 360 cables dangling in midair, the Giant Buddha chuckles, then cackles, and then bursts out in hysterical laughter.

"Wanker, my devoted pilgrim..." he says, "told you that Skyrail and Ngong Ping Village won't survive if they irritate me. You were unnecessarily worried and concerned. Now see? They have come to a standstill. And unless they appease me and apologize to me, they will become history." Once again, the Giant Buddha chuckles. I smile too.

Who wouldn't? And consider how embarrassing it must have been for the Hong Kong Tourism Board and Hong Kong administration when right before the 10^th anniversary of Hong Kong handover, the cable car system said its (almost) final goodbye to the Mainland China tourists eager to sit in From-Here-to-Hell cabins dangling on dangerous ropes.

Meanwhile, the New Lantao Bus Company established in 1973 is reaping huge profits out of cable-car-less and stranded tourists trying to reach the Giant (Tian Tan) Buddha. A quick look at Ngong Ping 360's website confirms this fact:

And sadly, from the unconfirmed reports I hear from fellow pilgrims, owners of businesses or enterprises in Ngong Ping Village are contemplating selling their businesses for peanuts as not enough visitors go there.

Well, one of Tung's (First Chief Executive of Hong Kong - His Highness Mr. Tung Chee-hwa) time bomb, as dear friend Ron's friend Hemlock says.

Peace.

My Lord's Humble Abode

2007-02-24T14:07:00.000+08:00

Brother Boyd, friend of Brother Ron, has edited a beautiful video of Giant Buddha - My Lord's humble abode. Please enjoy my surroundings:

Peace.

PS: Video Credits - AIRBOYD

Kung Hei Fat Choi!

2007-02-18T12:54:00.000+08:00

Wish y'all a very Happy and Prosperous New Year!

Peace.

PS: For this once, I will keep my wisecracks to myself, but "Year of the Pig" has me rolling on the floor. Fortunately, I am not a "pig," but a "dog." Equally bad, huh?

Shaved

2007-01-28T23:00:00.000+08:00

A late night stroll outside the monastery, I met some gwaipos. Upon seeing me, they started giggling and whispering; and a curious-type from amongst them approached me.

"Why do you shave your head?" she asked me.

"It is necessary, and part of our belief-system," I told her.

"Do you also shave your pubic hairs?" she asked me boldly.

"There is only one way you can find that out," I said as I stared at her huge breasts.

Right now, the three of them are taking a shower in my living quarters as I write this. It seems that tonight I will have to meditate on their bodies and cleanse them. Better yet, I will revirginize them.

Peace.

I Am An A*shole!

2007-01-18T19:00:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the lack of posts, but I am busy and I will soon be rich!

Peace.

Season's Greetings

2006-12-23T20:42:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Like Buddha, Jesus too was supposed to be a messenger of God. At least, that's what we are led to believe.

In fact, some conspiracists claim that both Buddha and Jesus (and for that matter even Mohammed) are one and the same, and the divine body is buried somewhere atop the Himalayan mountains.

Who cares? Anyway, enjoy your holidays and have fun.

Peace.

PS: I am sorry for the lack of posts. But I am meditating on an important topic - Why are women so mischievous?

Gone Hunting!

2006-11-10T21:42:00.000+08:00

An evening with weird friend Ron, the lady-killer drags me to a Wan Chai bar.

"Why go to bars when you can pick women off the streets," I ask him.

"I can pick anyone I want," he says, assurance flooding out of his eyes, "but we are here so that you, my dear friend Wanker, can have some fun."

After downing couple of drinks, I find myself surrounded by Southeast Asian and Russian women who are very interested in me. I have known all along that women find me exceptionally charming. But this takes the biscuit.

They rub their scantily clothed behinds on my crotch as we dance. And of course, I am excited. We dance, our legs trembling against each other as we rub our private parts. Finally, following twenty-minutes of contemplation, I select a woman of Russian origin. She looks exceptionally sexy and I am convinced that if anyone deserves to enjoy a monk's virginity, she is the one.

"I would like to sleep with you," I whisper in her ear.

"Two thousand and five hundred dollars, darling," she whispers back in mine.

I am shocked. Who would have thought that Wan Chai bars were full of hookers!

"Is this your idea of me having fun?" I complain to Ron.

"Um," the maestro looks at me and thinks for a while. "With your looks, if you don't want to pay for it, hang around for a couple of hours and I am sure that the early morning newspaper lady outside 7-Eleven will bonk you for free."

With excitement boiling inside my robe, I have no choice. I will look forward to, and wait for that one.

Peace.

Revirginization [Not a contemporary English word]!

2006-11-01T23:25:00.000+08:00

After about a month of arduous meditation, the Great Buddha has finally blessed me with special powers - I can revirginize a woman.

You see, 'revirginize' or 'revirginization' isn't a word recognized by (or accepted by) the Standard English dictionaries. But that's because revirginization wasn't possible before I received the special powers yesterday.

In case you are wondering, it's all really very simple. Women, who aren't virgins anymore, sleep naked on a bed. And I, alongside my special powers, bonk them with my blessed phallus. The result is immediate and obvious. The healing and *sealing* starts almost immediately, or rather, instantly. And shortly thereafter, they are virgins again. Therefore, the process is called "revirginization."

Starting tonight, I have started healing and sealing women in Wan Chai girly bars. They are the ones who need this treatment the most. And so far, the results have been more than satisfactory. So if you are a desperate woman who badly needs revirginization, all you have to do is get in *touch* with me.

And yes, I have been drinking. After all, drinks are supposed to be vegetarian. So no problems there!

Peace.

Tourism: Hong Kong Style!

2006-10-04T15:32:00.000+08:00

Ngong Ping - Home of the capitalistic Buddha.Minimum fee: 360 (bucks)!

Coming soon! Buddhist luxury apartments for rich pilgrims. Book your blissful mountain-view luxury apartment now. HK$25,000 per sq. ft. and above. We're waiting for you. Pal!

Peace.

Wan ker-sin

Dear Buddha, Please Help North Korea!

2006-08-14T06:19:00.000+08:00

Dear Buddha,

Yesterday, I saw a North Korean woman, now an American citizen, greedily swallow lotus seed buns. And after eating all that, she said, "I'm still hungry."

Tears rolled down my cheeks when I saw her mad eyes and tunnel-like mouth hungrily swallowing lots and lots of buns. How tragic it is that as a child, she must have been deprived of food. And now, she is mad and crazy. She even calls herself 'Black Widow', probably, because she is planning to eat her husband as well.

O Lord Buddha, please have some mercy on this woman. And give her a permanent amnesia so that she forgets her hungry childhood. And, please inspire her to send some of those buns back home, so that the hungry children of that poor country ruled by ILL whomever, feel happy.

That, O Great One sitting on Lantau Island, is my only prayer for today.

Your humble and obedient servant,

Wan Ker

Peace

Beijing To Tibet And Back!

2006-07-05T08:38:00.000+08:00

I have just returned from a breathtaking tour, literally. You see, I was one of the passengers who boarded the miraculous train from Beijing to Lhasa (Tibet). And then I took a flight to Hong Kong.

Chug-a-chug, chug-a-chug, we went all the way up to 5,072 meters. And that's when I saw them! The Tibetan donkeys. Even from the fast moving train I saw their penises. And I have good news:

I recall that the secret sacred book on skin whitening says that cum from a Tibetan donkey's penis is even more effective.

I can see it now. Perhaps, it's time for me to initiate the donkey-cum retailing plan. Several shops in Central, Hong Kong, and beauty conscious women of Hong Kong will be blessed. It is a service to humanity, after all.

Those interested in a franchise, please get in touch with me.

Servantly yours,

Wan Ker

Peace.

Would You Think Otherwise?

2006-06-27T07:44:00.000+08:00

Early morning breakfast with my dear friend, I spot two Muslims on the next table. They could be from the Middle East, Pakistan, or Afghanistan. It doesn't matter. They all look the same.

Wearing weird clothes designed for the 19^th century, they eat their food with hands and chew without closing their mouths.

"So, which terrorist organization you belong to?" I ask them.

They swear at me, and the look on their faces tells me they are pissed. "What makes you think we are terrorists?" one of them asks me.

I ask them, "You are Muslims, right?" They nod. "So now, everyone who is not a Muslim thinks Muslims or those who believe in Islam are connected with one terrorist group or the other. And yes, don't scorn at me. Following what your community has done around the world, would anyone think otherwise?"

Both of them threaten to beat me up. Fortunately, my friend interferes and drags me away from that restaurant.

Peace.

The Wrath Of Buddha!

2006-06-19T09:17:00.000+08:00

They fucked up, again. Shouldn't they dismantle their crappy system?

Peace.

Illumination

2006-06-12T08:31:00.000+08:00

Following my two months' meditation, Buddha finally decided to visit me.

There I was, sitting under a tree, when he appeared and said, "OK Wanker, I am pleased by your meditation and what have you. As a result, I grant you a single wish. Ask whatever you want, and you will get it."

After thinking for a while, I said, "O Lord, there is only one way everyone can be eternally happy. And it's a simple way - Destroy the universe and everything in it. That way, no one or nothing will exist, and therefore, no one will be unhappy."

Upon hearing, Buddha was a bit shocked, and apparently taken aback. He said, "Look Wanker, you are asking for a tad too much. Forget the universe, but right now my sights are on the Ngong Ping 360 cable car transportation system that is irritating and upsetting me."

Well, what can I say? I can't be selfish and insist he executes my wish. It seems he has his own problems on his mind, or rather in his vicinity. But talking about the cable car, why do we need crap boxes dangling from equally crappy cables around Hong Kong? And I don't think Buddha appreciates lazy people visiting him in cable cars.

What gives? Can anyone illuminate me? Many thanks in advance.

Peace.

Transit

2006-04-04T07:03:00.000+08:00

The exact moment of death. Or how does one feel when he or she leaves this world for the next or other?

I am currently meditating on this question. Posting will be light for a while.

Peace.

Women!

2006-03-30T06:03:00.000+08:00

Now here's a man who definitely understands women! And to the best of my knowledge, he is not a monk!

Peace.

Regrets?

2006-03-26T21:14:00.000+08:00

Earlier, I was meditating in a bar in Wan Chai. A lady came up to me and said, "Do you regret you are a monk and you don't get the chance to enjoy carnal pleasures?"

So I stopped meditating, and I looked at her. She looked like a tasty dish. I mean, she was scantily dressed in sexy attire and all that. But I controlled my senses and my desires, and I asked her, "Do you regret you can't stand and pee like a man?"

She was flabbergasted and her drink dropped from her hand. I mean, what I said was that profound! Really!

She said, "Tonight, I will try and see if I can pee like a man."

So I said, "Someday I might give up my celibacy and enjoy carnal pleasures."

Now, almost one hour later, she is standing in my bathroom, and she is trying to pee like a man. And I am sitting over here and thinking what I should do next. Any suggestions?

Peace.

Black Flowers Blossom All Over Sai Kung

2006-03-23T08:32:00.000+08:00

Friends and well-wishers have sent email, SMS messages, and snail-mail, informing me that black flowers are blooming all over Sai Kung. It might be incorrect to say black flowers are 'blooming' or 'blossoming'; as the black flowers (with red petals) have been around for a long time, albeit, concealed. Nonetheless, of lately, there have been multiple sightings (or rather flashings) of black flowers in public, in Sai Kung.

Am I happy? Why not? I spent fifteen minutes of my time with a bunch of young women, and now an entire district of Hong Kong is enjoying the fruits (or rather flowers) of my efforts.

Geographically, Hong Kong is divided into 18 districts (plus a couple of "new towns."). Therefore, I need to travel to 17 more districts and spread my inspirational message. Once I have accomplished that, this will be the best spring we ever had in Hong Kong.

And I am sure that *similar-minded* male residents of Hong Kong will thank me for it.

As mentioned in my profile, "I have lots to give, but I expect little."

Peace.

Cats

2006-03-20T08:42:00.000+08:00

Of lately, I see many women bringing cats to our Buddhist temple. All of them perform the same ritual:

They place their cats on the altar in front of Big Buddha, and they recite a prayer that roughly sounds like, "O Buddha, please bless my cat and make it immune from virulent attacks of H5N1. And in case they are infected by H5N1, O Buddha, please infect me with the same virus and kill us all at the same time. As my cats are my companions, and I cannot live my life without them."

Strange, isn't it? And why is it that all women visiting the temple are still single? Is there a specific reason why single unmarried women prefer cats as their pets? I will try to meditate on that. But if you, dear reader, know the reason, please kindly enlighten me.

He loved her, he wanted her, he wanted to marry her, but he was afraid she would be infected by H5N1, thanks to her cat. Isn't Mother Nature cruel?

Peace.

Black Flower With Red Petals

2006-03-15T12:08:00.000+08:00

So I spent an extra day in Sai Kung. You see, I decided that I wanted to meditate in a trendy bar in Sai Kung. Don't get me wrong, but I like to meditate in noisy crowded places in order to test my determination and will power.

And there I was, when a bunch of thirty-plus-year-old women entered the bar. Now I was sitting in a corner and they came straight to me. "Mr. Fortune Teller," they said, "can you please help us?"

I mean, you know I am not a fortuneteller, but just a devoted Buddhist monk. But I couldn't convince them, and they thought I knew something they didn't.

So the women asked me a crucial question that was on their minds. "Help us," they said, "we want to get married, but no one wants to marry us."

I tried to avoid such sensitive topics. But when they insisted, I took one good look and realized their problem. You see, all of them were dressed up in ugly jeans pants. You know, the ones where their legs look like chopsticks, and their behind looks like two small pieces of dumplings.

I don't know any man who would be attracted to such ugly pair of legs. But how could I tell them without hurting their feelings? And so, I asked them to sit down, and then I startled them by saying, "lose your pants."

"Huh?" they said.

And I said, "Not now, I mean. But instead of dressing up in such ugly pants, start wearing mini or micro skirts. And then see the difference."

As soon as I said that, they started giving me suspicious looks. But I am an honest monk. I have nothing to fear, and my mind is clear, and all that. And so, I went one-step ahead and told them, "While you are at it, lose your underwear. And flash your black flower with red petals in public, all over Hong Kong. Once you do that, men will come running to you. Like bees to the flower, and all that."

And so, they started giving it a thought. But they didn't understand what I meant by 'black flower with red petals'. So I pulled my chair a bit closer and pointed between their legs.

And then they got it! And even though embarrassed, they smiled. I looked at their happy faces, and in my heart, I knew that they would soon find great husbands, and boyfriends, and all that. All of them said "thank you," and they wanted to hug me, and kiss me, and buy me some drinks, and stuff. But I told them that I am a devout monk, and cannot allow that.

Well, they were happy when they left the bar. And I was happy that I sent some lost souls on the right track. After all, every day is a charity day in Wan Ker's world.

Peace.

Meditation

2006-03-13T08:02:00.000+08:00

I am on a meditation tour. This time, I am touring Sai Kung, Hong Kong.

Regular posting will resume tomorrow evening, when I return to my holy abode.

Quoting the words of a profound man:

"Ask not what Wan Ker can do for you, ask what you can do for Wan Ker!"

Peace.

Troublesome Testicles

2006-03-09T08:20:00.000+08:00

So last week I was attending the EBM (Enlightened Buddhist Monks') conference, and every night we exchanged enlightenment jokes. I mean some great monks told some great jokes. But I started rolling on the floor when a senior monk told us this joke:

John was moderately successful in his career of choice, but as he got older, he was increasingly hampered by remarkably painful headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life began to suffer, he sought medical help.

After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. The doctor said, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that I can cure your headaches. However, the bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition that causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. That pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

John was of course, both shocked and depressed. He started wondering if he even had anything to live for at that point. Yet, he immediately decided that he had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, his headaches had vanished and his mind was finally clear. But naturally, he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he felt like an entirely different person. And so, as he walked past a men's clothing store, he thought, "I'll buy a new suit. Maybe that will cheer me up."

He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."

The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."

John laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job," said the salesman. John tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.

As John admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"

John thought for a moment and said, "Sure!"

The salesman eyed John and said, "Let's see... 34 sleeve and... 16 and a half neck."

John was once again surprised. "That's exactly right. How did you know?"

"It's my job," said the salesman, very matter of factly. John tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.

As John adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"

John was on a roll by this point and said, "Well, sure."

The salesman eyed John's feet and said, "Let's see... nine and a half... wide."

John was astonished. "That's right... How did you know?"

"It's my job," said the salesman. John tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly.

As John walked comfortably around the shop, the salesman asked, "Well, how about some new underwear?"

John hesitated for a second and said, "Um, sure!"

The salesman stepped back and eyed John's waist. "Let's see..." he said, "size 36."

John laughed, "No, you are wrong. I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head. "No, you can't wear size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

Peace.

Blowjob "Mountain"

2006-03-08T07:17:00.000+08:00

A horny water buffalo gives Bush a blowjob...

...as the sad animal owner looks on.

[Left click to enlarge the photo]
Photo Credits: Introduced by HKMacs. Photoshopped by Wan Ker-sin

Peace.

Busy

2006-03-01T08:21:00.000+08:00

I will be attending a convention of Enlightened Buddhist Monks (EBM). Posting will be light or non-existent until I return.

Peace.

Healthy Exercises

2006-02-28T08:27:00.000+08:00

Saw a couple of gweilos doing tai-chi exercises in Victoria Park this morning. When asked, they said they wanted to enhance their virility. Idiots! How can you enhance virility by doing exercises that are meant for old men and women?

Taught them some real virility enhancing exercises. It's simple:

a) Tie weights to the end of your penis, and try to lift the weights (with your penis).
b) Initially start with one or two pounds, and keep adding as much as your cocky allows, before you feel stressed. I can lift two hundred pounds, but since I am a celibate, the packed power is going nowhere.
c) Take measurements, and continue doing the above for one or two months. You will end up with a rock hard cock that can drill a hole through the wall.

Disclaimer: Some people have been hospitalized for doing the above. Experiment at your own risk.

The surest, but may not be the safest, solution for penis enlargement.

Peace.

Ghost

2006-02-27T08:38:00.000+08:00

Dear brother Ron is hanging around with ghosts. Not a good thing. Definitely not a good thing. He will pay for it!

Never let an undead hang around with the dead. Nay!

Peace.

Wise Bargirls

2006-02-24T08:32:00.000+08:00

Last night I was meditating in a Wan Chai bar. I usually do that when the focus of my meditation is a bargirl. It is a cool hobby, and no one disturbs me, but last night it was different.

The bargirl looked at my dress, my sitting posture, and realized that I am Buddhist. So she smiled and said, let me tell you a joke:

A Buddhist monk, a Jewish rabbi, and a Catholic priest are in an orphanage. The fire alarm goes off.

Buddhist monk exclaims, "Fire! We must save the children."

The rabbi says, "Fuck the children!"

The Catholic priest says, "No time!"

As you can see, even though she is a bargirl, she is very wise. Perhaps, because she is a bargirl she is so wise.

The Catholic Church wants to *penetrate* China. Ha ha.

Peace.

Time To Map It

2006-02-23T08:21:00.000+08:00

I promised a bit more. So here it is:

If you did that awareness exercise, next, take a notebook and pen, and instead of closing your eyes, write down the trail or chain of your thoughts. Short sentences will be good enough. Just do it for ten minutes, and see what you have written.

You have now started mapping your own mind.

Peace.

Basics Of Meditation

2006-02-22T08:33:00.000+08:00

People often ask me questions like what is the most effective way to meditate. Jokes aside, I am going to talk about something serious in this post.

First, I advise people that you shouldn't start meditating unless you identify the chain of your thoughts.

It is a very tricky thing, our mind. And most times, it subconsciously controls us without us being aware of it. So here is one exercise, I call The Awareness of Awareness. It is simple:

Sit in a quiet place where you won't be disturbed. Switch off your computer, television, anything that can distract you. And try not to think about anything for five or ten minutes. Sounds easy? Actually, it is very tough.

Your mind will be confused and will start thinking or will force thoughts into your awareness, all by itself. Since you are observing your mind, as in awareness of what thoughts are going on, you will find a trail of thoughts that come and go. Each either related or non-related to one another.

What your mind is actually doing is pulling out memories from your memory-bank (and it is huge) and presenting it to you for further evaluation which will most probably result in some emotion. A thought could remind you of some person, that person could remind you of some place, that could remind you of some good or bad times, dinner, movies, hiking, other activities, etc.

This is what I call the trail of memories forced on you by an idle mind. See how far the trail takes you (in time and place) within just two minutes after you try this experiment. And perhaps, for the first time (for some of you), you will have observed how your mind works. That is the point of The Awareness of Awareness. Try it. Even if you are in office, close your eyes for 5 minutes and try. You will be surprised.

Tomorrow, a bit more on this topic.

Peace.

Skin Whitening II

2006-02-21T08:20:00.000+08:00

Desperate female readers wanting effective skin-whitening solutions have started emailing me. Instead of answering hundreds of emails, I will post a sample email from one of the readers and my reply below:

Dear Wan Ker-sin,

Thank you for your information about Chinese medicine for skin whitening, donkey cum facial masks. In another article, you discussed male genitals and enhanced virility by tying ice cubes to male genitals.

Is it possible for us to combine the two therapies? Would the donkey... um... deliver better results if we tied ice cubes to its organ before we... um... collect the miraculous whitening solution?

Peace to you, and may your meditation take you to higher levels.

Regards,

Sammy Cheng Sau Man

I meditated on Sammy's questions and I think she has a point. Although tying ice cubes to donkeys' *organ* has never been tried before, I think we should give it a try. Trial and error is the only way to advancement and enlightenment, and I am sure our ancestors must have found the various critical and miraculous solutions the hard way.

But I think the excited donkey might be perplexed by the sudden feeling of cold when the ice cubes are tied. And the donkey might be frightened and kick away the desperate woman. Therefore, I think the following should be done:

a) Tie the donkey's legs before exciting him.
b) Slowly and gently caress its *organ* with cold water before tying ice cubes.
c) When the *organ* is sufficiently long, snap the ice cubes onto it using a rubber band.
d) If you have carefully followed steps a to c, nothing can go wrong.

Lastly, do let us know about the results in comments or email. Email address available in my complete profile.

FYI: Those of you who have sent business proposals should read brother Glenzo's advice. He is right.

Peace.

Final Comment On Current Religious Issues

2006-02-20T08:40:00.000+08:00

After receiving several emails including some death threats, and a strict reprimand from dear brother Ron who advised me that it is unwise to discuss or criticize religious issues that could upset people, I have decided that from tomorrow I will only write about esoteric and spiritual topics.

But before closing the topic regarding religion, I want to say a few things.

Muslims are upset about cartoons re Prophet Mohammad and the outrage has resulted in death, violence, and destruction around the world.

Why is it that they, or anyone else, forget that Taleban Muslims destroyed Buddha's statues in Afghanistan in 2001? Amnesia or double standards?

At that time, did we burn flags, embassies, demand those who destroyed the statues be killed, hurt or kill innocent people, etc., etc.? We protested peacefully, and finally just tried to smile and forgive their ignorance. See the difference?

Lastly, another thought provoking post from brother Glenzo.

Enough said!

Peace.

United Buddhist Commission for Poultry Refugees

2006-02-17T08:25:00.000+08:00

After three days of meditation, I have finally decided to launch UBCPR - United Buddhist Commission for Poultry Refugees. According to this idea, New Territories' villagers and I will today register the non-profit organization, UBCPR.

Based upon the guidelines of UNHCR - United High Commission for Refugees, our new association will provide sanctuary to all birds that are terrorized by the recent government law that bans all poultry raised as pets.

The registered address of our organization will be the public park on Lantau Island, right under the watchful eyes of Big Buddha. This is where we will register your pet chicken, pigeon, duck, etc. And once your pet poultry is a registered UBCPR refugee, we will try to protect its life from slaughtering hands.

Hong Kong is prominently a Buddhist place, and we will not allow a Catholic chief executive to insult the non-violence principle of our dharma. Since religious groups around the world are protesting and protecting their religious rights, we too will protest and protect our Buddhist poultry as per the law of our religion: Every life form has a right to live!

Don't release your poultry pets into the wild, but bring them to UBCPR.

Peace.

Blessed Buses

2006-02-16T06:08:00.000+08:00

I apologize that I wasn't able to post yesterday. It so happened that I had to go to Sai Kung, New Territories, Hong Kong. I had to bless a new minibus that will from today, transport people between Sai Kung and Kowloon.

Minibuses, dear reader, need lots of blessings. They usually carry discontented passengers who complain about the speed at which the driver drives his small piece of metal. The driver is discontented because the cops give him or her tickets for speeding, and therefore hurt their business. Were he or she to obey driving rules and traffic laws of Hong Kong, he or she can't make a living because the fuel prices are extraordinarily high in Hong Kong. The government of Hong Kong hikes prices of oil in the form of extraordinary taxes. And he or she needs to make as many trips as possible to cover their basic expenses.

And the Hong Kong Government is discontented because it is a eunuch under the sovereignty of China, and perceived as a leftover child of British administration. Apart from land-sales, wine, and tobacco, oil and gas are the only last resorts where the tycoon controlled pimps can make any money.

Now you know why I need to bless the unfortunate minibus for hours.

Let a blessed minibus ignore traffic signals, be invisible to police radars, and run on illegal Mainland China smuggled diesel.

Peace.

What If Buddha, Jesus, And Prophet Mohammad Were Bloggers?

2006-02-14T08:56:00.000+08:00

Before I meditate and write about awareness and religion (as per my promise in my comment), today I will share my thoughts on the topic: What if the enlightened ones were bloggers?

Let us start with Buddha. If he had a blog, readers would be bored in no time. All posts on his blog would have the same message, "Day 1... I sat under a tree and meditated." "Day 2... I sat under a tree and meditated." "Day x... I sat under a tree and meditated." You get the point.

Jesus, in my opinion, would be a great blogger. A bit like Instapundit and David Copperfield merged into one. His blog would have posts about unbelievable miracles everyday. And his "About Me" introduction would start with sentences like, "I never had a father to start with. Well, in a way, I did, but that's too complicated for you to understand."

Of course, posts on his blog would highlight miracles he performed everyday. For example, "I taught a blind man how to fly a B-52 on IFR (Instrument Flight Rules)." Or how about, "I helped a lame man run and win the Olympics' gold medal."

And his early morning entries would be, "I spent the entire night drinking vodka from one bottle. And the bottle kept pouring itself whenever I finished my drink."

And what about Prophet Mohammad's blog? It would be like Freddy Krueger Online!

"Chop the heads of infidels!" ... "Chop more infidels!" ... "And while you are busy chopping, circumcise your dicks! That's extra skin he forgot to remove when he made you. And castrate those who don't want to be circumcised!"

You think all this sounds funny? Well, perfectly sane looking people seem to believe it for more than two thousand years.

I know I will receive hate mail for this post. I might even have my head chopped off by fanatics on the streets, this afternoon. But I am not afraid. The voice of reason should brighten the dark crevices of sick human minds. And I am that voice.

Think about what I have written. And consider it as a brief introduction of my upcoming threads on enlightenment and wisdom.

Insanity is a disease. And one form of insanity manifests itself in the form of religious fanatics.

Peace.

A Request To Muslim Brothers: Meditate Your Way To Tolerance

2006-02-13T08:52:00.000+08:00

Surfing the Internet, I chanced upon a post full of wisdom. It is a short post by brother CML. He asks:

"Why is it, by the way, that you can make Buddha jokes, amusing or not as the case may be, and nobody minds; not even Buddhists. Yet were I to try the same thing with the Prophet Mohammad my website would be burned down by, like, an angry horde.

I throw it in for debate."

After hours of meditation, and a sleepless night, I think I have the answer:

Middle East, the cradle of Islamic religion, is vastly a desert. That means it is difficult to find a tree in that region. And therefore, unlike those of us who are Buddhists, Muslim brothers never get a chance to meditate under a tree to calm their tempers.

Moreover, the climate in Middle East is rather very hot. And I think that the scorching sun heats up their minds, resulting in confused brainwaves and behavioral patterns resulting in hostile tempers, extreme violence, etc. that can lead to a lack of judgment, as explained below.

Buddhists simply smile and ignore jokes about Buddha. But Muslim brothers take jokes about Prophet Mohammad seriously. In fact, they are so serious, that in their over-zealous attitude, they have forgotten that they too maybe insulting Prophet Mohammad by spreading news about insulting Danish cartoons to more and more people around the world. What few people knew last year, now the whole world knows. As a result, billions of people now are laughing around the world.

The solution to this controversy is simple. Plant more trees in the Middle East, and start Islamic Missionary Centers in Denmark.

A two-dimensional caricature by those who have lots of time on their hands; cannot and should not upset the three or four-dimensional world.

Peace.

Male Genitalia

2006-02-10T09:03:00.000+08:00

Brother John has brought up the topic of male genitalia, and therefore it is appropriate I share my wisdom on this crucial topic.

It is important to remember that the temperature of a man's testicles is 2 degrees Celsius lower than the temperature of the rest of the body. This difference provides adequate comfort to the testicles to do its job of producing seminal fluid.

What happens if the temperature of testicles is same or higher compared to the temperature of the rest of the body? The concerned man will lose his sexual desire and virility. If such condition persists for a long time, the concerned man will become impotent.

This is why tight fitting underwear should be avoided. Loose underwear with ample air flowing around the testicles should be the goal of every man who wants to extend and increase his potency and virility. Walking around naked is even better.

But since nudity is restricted by the majority of misguided religious fanatics in this age, I suggest an alternative approach:

Dip your testicles for two hours every night in cold or chilled water. You can also tie ice cubes to your testicles, before and during intercourse. Don't just take my word for it. Try it, and see the difference.

The power of the penis is mightier than the sword.

Peace.

Skin Whitening

2006-02-09T09:14:00.000+08:00

Anyone who knows anything about Chinese medicine knows that the most effective skin-whitening solution is donkey cum (seminal fluid). But Hong Kong women don't know this secret and waste their money on costly skin-whitening products.

The selection of the right donkey, however, is critical for success. Only white donkey's cum is effective. Grey or black donkeys are off the list. Also, the ejaculated cum must be applied to the face as soon as possible. Gently massaging from forehead, all the way down to neck, gives best results. And if applied daily, for a week, the results are permanent.

Experts believe that if the donkey is extremely excited, the resulting cum is good and of high quality. So the desperate woman must concentrate on the hand-job and ensure that the donkey is happy. Only then, the donkey should be allowed to ejaculate.

Why, you may ask, donkey-cum therapy is not so popular? Because skin whitening is big business, and cosmetic manufacturers don't want you to find out this secret. It is the same with other Chinese medicine. Viagra manufacturers won't tell you that eating cooked deer penis (Lok Mei Pa) is more effective than Viagra. Manufacturers of anti-depressants won't tell you that eating raw monkey brains (a popular "cuisine" in Southern China) is the way to go. And so on.

I will try to upload pictures of a woman, before and after she tried the donkey-cum therapy. Can I upload pictures in blogger? Any suggestions?

Finally, where should women go to find healthy and white donkeys? Rural areas of Guangdong province.

Peace.

Links, etc.

2006-02-08T08:26:00.000+08:00

I have added some blogs to the link section, and I have updated my "About Me" page.

I think I should change the design or template. Any suggestions? Or do you like this simple design?

Meditation is to mind, what bonking is to body. Either experience makes you feel high.

Peace.

72 Virgins

2006-02-07T09:21:00.000+08:00

I am the last person to comment on other people's religion and beliefs. But this 72-virgins issue is bothering me and I am curious.

I mean the path I follow insists that I be a celibate while I am still alive. And if I pass the test, I end up in a state of nirvana. And nirvana, in short, means existing in total awareness without a bloody body.

Am I a sore loser or what? I don't get women while I am alive, and I don't get them when I die. But turban-heads can have many wives while they are alive, and when they die, they get to bonk - borrowing a phrase from dear friend Ron - 72 virgins in heaven?

What gives? Should I convert to Islamism? It sure sounds fun. But blowing up my body in order to enjoy that fun sounds a tad too steep.

Another related question - What do they do to the virgins once you have bonked them? Chop their heads and eat them or something? And where do they find so many virgins? Or do they kidnap Catholic nuns for you? If that's the case, I'll pass on a Catholic nun any day.

One more question - We are supposed to be clean shaved and bald, etc. But they never shave, nor cut their hair, etc.? Two extremes, if you ask me. So who's on the wrong side of the fence?

OK, so this wasn't a post full of wisdom, but some questions I am extremely curious about. You, dear reader, could help me by answering some. Many thanks in advance.

Peace.

Love Thy Neighbor...

2006-02-06T08:59:00.000+08:00

...As Thyself, etc. Especially, love his wife!

Peace.