Troublesome Testicles

So last week I was attending the EBM (Enlightened Buddhist Monks') conference, and every night we exchanged enlightenment jokes. I mean some great monks told some great jokes. But I started rolling on the floor when a senior monk told us this joke:

John was moderately successful in his career of choice, but as he got older, he was increasingly hampered by remarkably painful headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life began to suffer, he sought medical help.

After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. The doctor said, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that I can cure your headaches. However, the bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition that causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. That pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

John was of course, both shocked and depressed. He started wondering if he even had anything to live for at that point. Yet, he immediately decided that he had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, his headaches had vanished and his mind was finally clear. But naturally, he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he felt like an entirely different person. And so, as he walked past a men's clothing store, he thought, "I'll buy a new suit. Maybe that will cheer me up."

He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."

The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."

John laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job," said the salesman. John tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.

As John admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"

John thought for a moment and said, "Sure!"

The salesman eyed John and said, "Let's see... 34 sleeve and... 16 and a half neck."

John was once again surprised. "That's exactly right. How did you know?"

"It's my job," said the salesman, very matter of factly. John tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.

As John adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"

John was on a roll by this point and said, "Well, sure."

The salesman eyed John's feet and said, "Let's see... nine and a half... wide."

John was astonished. "That's right... How did you know?"

"It's my job," said the salesman. John tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly.

As John walked comfortably around the shop, the salesman asked, "Well, how about some new underwear?"

John hesitated for a second and said, "Um, sure!"

The salesman stepped back and eyed John's waist. "Let's see..." he said, "size 36."

John laughed, "No, you are wrong. I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head. "No, you can't wear size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

Peace.