Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Healthy Exercises

Saw a couple of gweilos doing tai-chi exercises in Victoria Park this morning. When asked, they said they wanted to enhance their virility. Idiots! How can you enhance virility by doing exercises that are meant for old men and women?

Taught them some real virility enhancing exercises. It's simple:

a) Tie weights to the end of your penis, and try to lift the weights (with your penis).
b) Initially start with one or two pounds, and keep adding as much as your cocky allows, before you feel stressed. I can lift two hundred pounds, but since I am a celibate, the packed power is going nowhere.
c) Take measurements, and continue doing the above for one or two months. You will end up with a rock hard cock that can drill a hole through the wall.

Disclaimer: Some people have been hospitalized for doing the above. Experiment at your own risk.

The surest, but may not be the safest, solution for penis enlargement.


Monday, February 27, 2006


Dear brother Ron is hanging around with ghosts. Not a good thing. Definitely not a good thing. He will pay for it!

Never let an undead hang around with the dead. Nay!


Friday, February 24, 2006

Wise Bargirls

Last night I was meditating in a Wan Chai bar. I usually do that when the focus of my meditation is a bargirl. It is a cool hobby, and no one disturbs me, but last night it was different.

The bargirl looked at my dress, my sitting posture, and realized that I am Buddhist. So she smiled and said, let me tell you a joke:

A Buddhist monk, a Jewish rabbi, and a Catholic priest are in an orphanage. The fire alarm goes off.

Buddhist monk exclaims, "Fire! We must save the children."

The rabbi says, "Fuck the children!"

The Catholic priest says, "No time!"

As you can see, even though she is a bargirl, she is very wise. Perhaps, because she is a bargirl she is so wise.

The Catholic Church wants to *penetrate* China. Ha ha.


Thursday, February 23, 2006

Time To Map It

I promised a bit more. So here it is:

If you did that awareness exercise, next, take a notebook and pen, and instead of closing your eyes, write down the trail or chain of your thoughts. Short sentences will be good enough. Just do it for ten minutes, and see what you have written.

You have now started mapping your own mind.


Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Basics Of Meditation

People often ask me questions like what is the most effective way to meditate. Jokes aside, I am going to talk about something serious in this post.

First, I advise people that you shouldn't start meditating unless you identify the chain of your thoughts.

It is a very tricky thing, our mind. And most times, it subconsciously controls us without us being aware of it. So here is one exercise, I call The Awareness of Awareness. It is simple:

Sit in a quiet place where you won't be disturbed. Switch off your computer, television, anything that can distract you. And try not to think about anything for five or ten minutes. Sounds easy? Actually, it is very tough.

Your mind will be confused and will start thinking or will force thoughts into your awareness, all by itself. Since you are observing your mind, as in awareness of what thoughts are going on, you will find a trail of thoughts that come and go. Each either related or non-related to one another.

What your mind is actually doing is pulling out memories from your memory-bank (and it is huge) and presenting it to you for further evaluation which will most probably result in some emotion. A thought could remind you of some person, that person could remind you of some place, that could remind you of some good or bad times, dinner, movies, hiking, other activities, etc.

This is what I call the trail of memories forced on you by an idle mind. See how far the trail takes you (in time and place) within just two minutes after you try this experiment. And perhaps, for the first time (for some of you), you will have observed how your mind works. That is the point of The Awareness of Awareness. Try it. Even if you are in office, close your eyes for 5 minutes and try. You will be surprised.

Tomorrow, a bit more on this topic.


Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Skin Whitening II

Desperate female readers wanting effective skin-whitening solutions have started emailing me. Instead of answering hundreds of emails, I will post a sample email from one of the readers and my reply below:

Dear Wan Ker-sin,

Thank you for your information about Chinese medicine for skin whitening, donkey cum facial masks. In another article, you discussed male genitals and enhanced virility by tying ice cubes to male genitals.

Is it possible for us to combine the two therapies? Would the donkey... um... deliver better results if we tied ice cubes to its organ before we... um... collect the miraculous whitening solution?

Peace to you, and may your meditation take you to higher levels.


Sammy Cheng Sau Man

I meditated on Sammy's questions and I think she has a point. Although tying ice cubes to donkeys' *organ* has never been tried before, I think we should give it a try. Trial and error is the only way to advancement and enlightenment, and I am sure our ancestors must have found the various critical and miraculous solutions the hard way.

But I think the excited donkey might be perplexed by the sudden feeling of cold when the ice cubes are tied. And the donkey might be frightened and kick away the desperate woman. Therefore, I think the following should be done:

a) Tie the donkey's legs before exciting him.
b) Slowly and gently caress its *organ* with cold water before tying ice cubes.
c) When the *organ* is sufficiently long, snap the ice cubes onto it using a rubber band.
d) If you have carefully followed steps a to c, nothing can go wrong.

Lastly, do let us know about the results in comments or email. Email address available in my complete profile.

FYI: Those of you who have sent business proposals should read brother Glenzo's advice. He is right.


Monday, February 20, 2006

Final Comment On Current Religious Issues

After receiving several emails including some death threats, and a strict reprimand from dear brother Ron who advised me that it is unwise to discuss or criticize religious issues that could upset people, I have decided that from tomorrow I will only write about esoteric and spiritual topics.

But before closing the topic regarding religion, I want to say a few things.

Muslims are upset about cartoons re Prophet Mohammad and the outrage has resulted in death, violence, and destruction around the world.

Why is it that they, or anyone else, forget that Taleban Muslims destroyed Buddha's statues in Afghanistan in 2001? Amnesia or double standards?

At that time, did we burn flags, embassies, demand those who destroyed the statues be killed, hurt or kill innocent people, etc., etc.? We protested peacefully, and finally just tried to smile and forgive their ignorance. See the difference?

Lastly, another thought provoking post from brother Glenzo.

Enough said!


Friday, February 17, 2006

United Buddhist Commission for Poultry Refugees

After three days of meditation, I have finally decided to launch UBCPR - United Buddhist Commission for Poultry Refugees. According to this idea, New Territories' villagers and I will today register the non-profit organization, UBCPR.

Based upon the guidelines of UNHCR - United High Commission for Refugees, our new association will provide sanctuary to all birds that are terrorized by the recent government law that bans all poultry raised as pets.

The registered address of our organization will be the public park on Lantau Island, right under the watchful eyes of Big Buddha. This is where we will register your pet chicken, pigeon, duck, etc. And once your pet poultry is a registered UBCPR refugee, we will try to protect its life from slaughtering hands.

Hong Kong is prominently a Buddhist place, and we will not allow a Catholic chief executive to insult the non-violence principle of our dharma. Since religious groups around the world are protesting and protecting their religious rights, we too will protest and protect our Buddhist poultry as per the law of our religion: Every life form has a right to live!

Don't release your poultry pets into the wild, but bring them to UBCPR.


Thursday, February 16, 2006

Blessed Buses

I apologize that I wasn't able to post yesterday. It so happened that I had to go to Sai Kung, New Territories, Hong Kong. I had to bless a new minibus that will from today, transport people between Sai Kung and Kowloon.

Minibuses, dear reader, need lots of blessings. They usually carry discontented passengers who complain about the speed at which the driver drives his small piece of metal. The driver is discontented because the cops give him or her tickets for speeding, and therefore hurt their business. Were he or she to obey driving rules and traffic laws of Hong Kong, he or she can't make a living because the fuel prices are extraordinarily high in Hong Kong. The government of Hong Kong hikes prices of oil in the form of extraordinary taxes. And he or she needs to make as many trips as possible to cover their basic expenses.

And the Hong Kong Government is discontented because it is a eunuch under the sovereignty of China, and perceived as a leftover child of British administration. Apart from land-sales, wine, and tobacco, oil and gas are the only last resorts where the tycoon controlled pimps can make any money.

Now you know why I need to bless the unfortunate minibus for hours.

Let a blessed minibus ignore traffic signals, be invisible to police radars, and run on illegal Mainland China smuggled diesel.


Tuesday, February 14, 2006

What If Buddha, Jesus, And Prophet Mohammad Were Bloggers?

Before I meditate and write about awareness and religion (as per my promise in my comment), today I will share my thoughts on the topic: What if the enlightened ones were bloggers?

Let us start with Buddha. If he had a blog, readers would be bored in no time. All posts on his blog would have the same message, "Day 1... I sat under a tree and meditated." "Day 2... I sat under a tree and meditated." "Day x... I sat under a tree and meditated." You get the point.

Jesus, in my opinion, would be a great blogger. A bit like Instapundit and David Copperfield merged into one. His blog would have posts about unbelievable miracles everyday. And his "About Me" introduction would start with sentences like, "I never had a father to start with. Well, in a way, I did, but that's too complicated for you to understand."

Of course, posts on his blog would highlight miracles he performed everyday. For example, "I taught a blind man how to fly a B-52 on IFR (Instrument Flight Rules)." Or how about, "I helped a lame man run and win the Olympics' gold medal."

And his early morning entries would be, "I spent the entire night drinking vodka from one bottle. And the bottle kept pouring itself whenever I finished my drink."

And what about Prophet Mohammad's blog? It would be like Freddy Krueger Online!

"Chop the heads of infidels!" ... "Chop more infidels!" ... "And while you are busy chopping, circumcise your dicks! That's extra skin he forgot to remove when he made you. And castrate those who don't want to be circumcised!"

You think all this sounds funny? Well, perfectly sane looking people seem to believe it for more than two thousand years.

I know I will receive hate mail for this post. I might even have my head chopped off by fanatics on the streets, this afternoon. But I am not afraid. The voice of reason should brighten the dark crevices of sick human minds. And I am that voice.

Think about what I have written. And consider it as a brief introduction of my upcoming threads on enlightenment and wisdom.

Insanity is a disease. And one form of insanity manifests itself in the form of religious fanatics.


Monday, February 13, 2006

A Request To Muslim Brothers: Meditate Your Way To Tolerance

Surfing the Internet, I chanced upon a post full of wisdom. It is a short post by brother CML. He asks:

"Why is it, by the way, that you can make Buddha jokes, amusing or not as the case may be, and nobody minds; not even Buddhists. Yet were I to try the same thing with the Prophet Mohammad my website would be burned down by, like, an angry horde.

I throw it in for debate."
After hours of meditation, and a sleepless night, I think I have the answer:

Middle East, the cradle of Islamic religion, is vastly a desert. That means it is difficult to find a tree in that region. And therefore, unlike those of us who are Buddhists, Muslim brothers never get a chance to meditate under a tree to calm their tempers.

Moreover, the climate in Middle East is rather very hot. And I think that the scorching sun heats up their minds, resulting in confused brainwaves and behavioral patterns resulting in hostile tempers, extreme violence, etc. that can lead to a lack of judgment, as explained below.

Buddhists simply smile and ignore jokes about Buddha. But Muslim brothers take jokes about Prophet Mohammad seriously. In fact, they are so serious, that in their over-zealous attitude, they have forgotten that they too maybe insulting Prophet Mohammad by spreading news about insulting Danish cartoons to more and more people around the world. What few people knew last year, now the whole world knows. As a result, billions of people now are laughing around the world.

The solution to this controversy is simple. Plant more trees in the Middle East, and start Islamic Missionary Centers in Denmark.

A two-dimensional caricature by those who have lots of time on their hands; cannot and should not upset the three or four-dimensional world.


Friday, February 10, 2006

Male Genitalia

Brother John has brought up the topic of male genitalia, and therefore it is appropriate I share my wisdom on this crucial topic.

It is important to remember that the temperature of a man's testicles is 2 degrees Celsius lower than the temperature of the rest of the body. This difference provides adequate comfort to the testicles to do its job of producing seminal fluid.

What happens if the temperature of testicles is same or higher compared to the temperature of the rest of the body? The concerned man will lose his sexual desire and virility. If such condition persists for a long time, the concerned man will become impotent.

This is why tight fitting underwear should be avoided. Loose underwear with ample air flowing around the testicles should be the goal of every man who wants to extend and increase his potency and virility. Walking around naked is even better.

But since nudity is restricted by the majority of misguided religious fanatics in this age, I suggest an alternative approach:

Dip your testicles for two hours every night in cold or chilled water. You can also tie ice cubes to your testicles, before and during intercourse. Don't just take my word for it. Try it, and see the difference.

The power of the penis is mightier than the sword.


Thursday, February 09, 2006

Skin Whitening

Anyone who knows anything about Chinese medicine knows that the most effective skin-whitening solution is donkey cum (seminal fluid). But Hong Kong women don't know this secret and waste their money on costly skin-whitening products.

The selection of the right donkey, however, is critical for success. Only white donkey's cum is effective. Grey or black donkeys are off the list. Also, the ejaculated cum must be applied to the face as soon as possible. Gently massaging from forehead, all the way down to neck, gives best results. And if applied daily, for a week, the results are permanent.

Experts believe that if the donkey is extremely excited, the resulting cum is good and of high quality. So the desperate woman must concentrate on the hand-job and ensure that the donkey is happy. Only then, the donkey should be allowed to ejaculate.

Why, you may ask, donkey-cum therapy is not so popular? Because skin whitening is big business, and cosmetic manufacturers don't want you to find out this secret. It is the same with other Chinese medicine. Viagra manufacturers won't tell you that eating cooked deer penis (Lok Mei Pa) is more effective than Viagra. Manufacturers of anti-depressants won't tell you that eating raw monkey brains (a popular "cuisine" in Southern China) is the way to go. And so on.

I will try to upload pictures of a woman, before and after she tried the donkey-cum therapy. Can I upload pictures in blogger? Any suggestions?

Finally, where should women go to find healthy and white donkeys? Rural areas of Guangdong province.


Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Links, etc.

I have added some blogs to the link section, and I have updated my "About Me" page.

I think I should change the design or template. Any suggestions? Or do you like this simple design?

Meditation is to mind, what bonking is to body. Either experience makes you feel high.


Tuesday, February 07, 2006

72 Virgins

I am the last person to comment on other people's religion and beliefs. But this 72-virgins issue is bothering me and I am curious.

I mean the path I follow insists that I be a celibate while I am still alive. And if I pass the test, I end up in a state of nirvana. And nirvana, in short, means existing in total awareness without a bloody body.

Am I a sore loser or what? I don't get women while I am alive, and I don't get them when I die. But turban-heads can have many wives while they are alive, and when they die, they get to bonk - borrowing a phrase from dear friend Ron - 72 virgins in heaven?

What gives? Should I convert to Islamism? It sure sounds fun. But blowing up my body in order to enjoy that fun sounds a tad too steep.

Another related question - What do they do to the virgins once you have bonked them? Chop their heads and eat them or something? And where do they find so many virgins? Or do they kidnap Catholic nuns for you? If that's the case, I'll pass on a Catholic nun any day.

One more question - We are supposed to be clean shaved and bald, etc. But they never shave, nor cut their hair, etc.? Two extremes, if you ask me. So who's on the wrong side of the fence?

OK, so this wasn't a post full of wisdom, but some questions I am extremely curious about. You, dear reader, could help me by answering some. Many thanks in advance.


Monday, February 06, 2006

Love Thy Neighbor...

...As Thyself, etc. Especially, love his wife!