Women!

Now here's a man who definitely understands women! And to the best of my knowledge, he is not a monk!

Peace.

Regrets?

Earlier, I was meditating in a bar in Wan Chai. A lady came up to me and said, "Do you regret you are a monk and you don't get the chance to enjoy carnal pleasures?"

So I stopped meditating, and I looked at her. She looked like a tasty dish. I mean, she was scantily dressed in sexy attire and all that. But I controlled my senses and my desires, and I asked her, "Do you regret you can't stand and pee like a man?"

She was flabbergasted and her drink dropped from her hand. I mean, what I said was that profound! Really!

She said, "Tonight, I will try and see if I can pee like a man."

So I said, "Someday I might give up my celibacy and enjoy carnal pleasures."

Now, almost one hour later, she is standing in my bathroom, and she is trying to pee like a man. And I am sitting over here and thinking what I should do next. Any suggestions?

Peace.

Black Flowers Blossom All Over Sai Kung

Friends and well-wishers have sent email, SMS messages, and snail-mail, informing me that black flowers are blooming all over Sai Kung. It might be incorrect to say black flowers are 'blooming' or 'blossoming'; as the black flowers (with red petals) have been around for a long time, albeit, concealed. Nonetheless, of lately, there have been multiple sightings (or rather flashings) of black flowers in public, in Sai Kung.

Am I happy? Why not? I spent fifteen minutes of my time with a bunch of young women, and now an entire district of Hong Kong is enjoying the fruits (or rather flowers) of my efforts.

Geographically, Hong Kong is divided into 18 districts (plus a couple of "new towns."). Therefore, I need to travel to 17 more districts and spread my inspirational message. Once I have accomplished that, this will be the best spring we ever had in Hong Kong.

And I am sure that *similar-minded* male residents of Hong Kong will thank me for it.

As mentioned in my profile, "I have lots to give, but I expect little."

Peace.

Cats

Of lately, I see many women bringing cats to our Buddhist temple. All of them perform the same ritual:

They place their cats on the altar in front of Big Buddha, and they recite a prayer that roughly sounds like, "O Buddha, please bless my cat and make it immune from virulent attacks of H5N1. And in case they are infected by H5N1, O Buddha, please infect me with the same virus and kill us all at the same time. As my cats are my companions, and I cannot live my life without them."

Strange, isn't it? And why is it that all women visiting the temple are still single? Is there a specific reason why single unmarried women prefer cats as their pets? I will try to meditate on that. But if you, dear reader, know the reason, please kindly enlighten me.

He loved her, he wanted her, he wanted to marry her, but he was afraid she would be infected by H5N1, thanks to her cat. Isn't Mother Nature cruel?

Peace.

Black Flower With Red Petals

So I spent an extra day in Sai Kung. You see, I decided that I wanted to meditate in a trendy bar in Sai Kung. Don't get me wrong, but I like to meditate in noisy crowded places in order to test my determination and will power.

And there I was, when a bunch of thirty-plus-year-old women entered the bar. Now I was sitting in a corner and they came straight to me. "Mr. Fortune Teller," they said, "can you please help us?"

I mean, you know I am not a fortuneteller, but just a devoted Buddhist monk. But I couldn't convince them, and they thought I knew something they didn't.

So the women asked me a crucial question that was on their minds. "Help us," they said, "we want to get married, but no one wants to marry us."

I tried to avoid such sensitive topics. But when they insisted, I took one good look and realized their problem. You see, all of them were dressed up in ugly jeans pants. You know, the ones where their legs look like chopsticks, and their behind looks like two small pieces of dumplings.

I don't know any man who would be attracted to such ugly pair of legs. But how could I tell them without hurting their feelings? And so, I asked them to sit down, and then I startled them by saying, "lose your pants."

"Huh?" they said.

And I said, "Not now, I mean. But instead of dressing up in such ugly pants, start wearing mini or micro skirts. And then see the difference."

As soon as I said that, they started giving me suspicious looks. But I am an honest monk. I have nothing to fear, and my mind is clear, and all that. And so, I went one-step ahead and told them, "While you are at it, lose your underwear. And flash your black flower with red petals in public, all over Hong Kong. Once you do that, men will come running to you. Like bees to the flower, and all that."

And so, they started giving it a thought. But they didn't understand what I meant by 'black flower with red petals'. So I pulled my chair a bit closer and pointed between their legs.

And then they got it! And even though embarrassed, they smiled. I looked at their happy faces, and in my heart, I knew that they would soon find great husbands, and boyfriends, and all that. All of them said "thank you," and they wanted to hug me, and kiss me, and buy me some drinks, and stuff. But I told them that I am a devout monk, and cannot allow that.

Well, they were happy when they left the bar. And I was happy that I sent some lost souls on the right track. After all, every day is a charity day in Wan Ker's world.

Peace.

Meditation

I am on a meditation tour. This time, I am touring Sai Kung, Hong Kong.

Regular posting will resume tomorrow evening, when I return to my holy abode.

Quoting the words of a profound man:

"Ask not what Wan Ker can do for you, ask what you can do for Wan Ker!"

Peace.

Troublesome Testicles

So last week I was attending the EBM (Enlightened Buddhist Monks') conference, and every night we exchanged enlightenment jokes. I mean some great monks told some great jokes. But I started rolling on the floor when a senior monk told us this joke:

John was moderately successful in his career of choice, but as he got older, he was increasingly hampered by remarkably painful headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life began to suffer, he sought medical help.

After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. The doctor said, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that I can cure your headaches. However, the bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition that causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. That pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

John was of course, both shocked and depressed. He started wondering if he even had anything to live for at that point. Yet, he immediately decided that he had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, his headaches had vanished and his mind was finally clear. But naturally, he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he felt like an entirely different person. And so, as he walked past a men's clothing store, he thought, "I'll buy a new suit. Maybe that will cheer me up."

He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."

The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."

John laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job," said the salesman. John tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.

As John admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"

John thought for a moment and said, "Sure!"

The salesman eyed John and said, "Let's see... 34 sleeve and... 16 and a half neck."

John was once again surprised. "That's exactly right. How did you know?"

"It's my job," said the salesman, very matter of factly. John tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.

As John adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"

John was on a roll by this point and said, "Well, sure."

The salesman eyed John's feet and said, "Let's see... nine and a half... wide."

John was astonished. "That's right... How did you know?"

"It's my job," said the salesman. John tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly.

As John walked comfortably around the shop, the salesman asked, "Well, how about some new underwear?"

John hesitated for a second and said, "Um, sure!"

The salesman stepped back and eyed John's waist. "Let's see..." he said, "size 36."

John laughed, "No, you are wrong. I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head. "No, you can't wear size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

Peace.

Blowjob "Mountain"

A horny water buffalo gives Bush a blowjob...

...as the sad animal owner looks on.

[Left click to enlarge the photo]
Photo Credits: Introduced by HKMacs. Photoshopped by Wan Ker-sin

Peace.

Busy

I will be attending a convention of Enlightened Buddhist Monks (EBM). Posting will be light or non-existent until I return.

Peace.